You Move Me...

what you are about to read brought tears to my eyes.
to think that this is the way that God views me, is unbelievable.
i wish i could love him like he loves me.
i wish i could give him everything. 
i wish that i meant everything i said.
i pray that God will help me turn it around, to make my wishes become real.

Do you know how you’ve caught my eye, 

In the secret place, where you chose to die?

Do you know the way you move me?

Do you know the way you move me?

I've seen you there, longing to be mine.

I've heard the cry in the middle of the night.

I've seen you there reaching for understanding.

I've seen you there, longing to be mine.

I've heard you say “I will go anywhere and I will do anything.”

And “I will give everything just to be with you.”

I’ve heard your words.

I remember the vow of your youth.

I remember your “yes”.

I remember the very setting of your soul.

And do you know how you’ve caught my eye,

In the secret place where you chose to die?

Do you know the way you move me?

Do you know the way you move me?

You’ve ravished my heart!

You’re my favourite one, the only one.

When I look at you you’re the only one I see.

You’ve ravished me!

I would stop this entire room just to tell you that my eyes are on you, and that my heart is for you. 

And I would stop this whole wide world just to tell you you’re not alone, that you are never alone.

All this reaching and all this longing – It is not in vain!

Wisdom will be justified. 
Just hang on and don’t give up.

Don’t give in. 

If you don’t quit, you win!

Listen to me...

Do you know how you’ve caught my eye,  

In the secret place where you chose to die?

You are more beautiful than tears, more wonderful than jealous love.

You are awesome as an army with banners.

You only see your weakness, but I see strength. 

There are so many - a multitude - that will never look back, but you keep on looking even though you’re looking through a mirror dimly lit. 

You keep on looking even though there’s unbelief and doubt.

But listen, listen…

You keep on coming, and looking, and seeking, and knocking, and asking, and loving me!

That’s all I ask..

You don’t even know the strength that you possess. 

So many would have grown bitter a long time ago, but you keep on coming, staying pliable underneath my hand.

I understand there’s pressure, but you don’t give up and you don’t give in...

If you don’t quit you win!

Just don’t give up, don’t give in!

You are more than a conqueror.

You’re more than this. 

You are the one I want!

Is that enough for you? To know you are the one I want? 

If you never move a man, is it enough to know that you’ve moved me?

Am I enough for you?

Because you are more than enough for me.

You’re the one I want, am I enough for you? 

Is it enough for you just to know that you’ve moved me? 

And if you never move man is it enough for you to know that you’ve moved my heart?

You are not just a project.

You are not just a trophy to show people how merciful I am.

You’re the one I want!

You are the one I want, like a fire within me!

Is it enough just knowing that you move me? 

Forever and ever I want you to be with me, where I am.

And do you know, how you’ve caught my eye,  

In the secret place where you chose to die?

You are not just my project.

You are the one I want! 

There’s more than just pity.

You’re the one I want.

You’re the one I want! 

Of all of creation you are my favourite.

You are the only one.

So few look back, and even the ones who do so often lose their way.

But you, my dove, have set your heart to go all the way. 

I’ll take you there.

All the way. 

Did you really mean it when you said that you would go anywhere?

And did you really mean it when you said that you’d be mine forever? 

And did you really mean it when you vowed that you’d do anything?  

Just give me everything and I’ll give you everything.

I’ll give you everything.

I’ll give you everything.

I’ll give you everything.

I left them there to die.

why is it that i always relate to her songs?
we're both young, scared, boy crazy females i guess.

Back To December - Taylor Swift

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier then ever.
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why.

Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving,
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
Realized that I loved you in the fall.
Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.

All the time

obviously my story is different, but i still feel her pain, and regret.
life is often so confusing. but i wont get into that now.

thoughts.

i was thinking today, about how i wish i could just speak my mind to people.
i wish i could say what i was thinking to them, even if i dont know them, am terrified of talking to them, or just scared to tell them how i feel.
so here are some things that i want to say, but never will.

you have an amazing smile. and i absolutely love locking eyes with you.
i'm sorry, but i am going to hurt you. it's what i'm good at. i really am sorry.
i love you, a lot. i hope we will be friends forever.
you are one of my best friends, and i'm so happy about it. i freaking love you. you make me smile sooo often.
i know you don't know who i am... i wish you did.
you make me laugh so hard! and i'm pretty sure you have no idea why i laugh.
i don't think you realize how much we've changed. we're different people now. get over it.


that's all for now. my thoughts have been expressed :)

exam time...

things i am currently feeling:
1. stressed
2. overwhelmed
3. nervous
4. tired
5. scared

i think i did it to myself though.
i procrastinate like none other.
i keep praying that God will give me the answers on the test.
is that fair?
i hope so, because i'm REALLY going to need those answers.

bad day.

today was a bad day.
i'm not gonna lie... it wasn't fun. at all.
the thing is, i'm not even sure why i was so unhappy.
i mean, it was a crazy busy day, having three classes and all.
but then, something incredible happened.
i went to the caf to get some snack, and i got a million and one hugs.
it's like everyone else's happiness was wearing off on me.
it turned out to be a wonderful day.
then i went to wednesday night worship, and praised our God.

mother's day advertisement.

i don't know if this story is true... but it hurt my heart.

it really makes me watch how i treat people... 

i don't want to hurt anyone the way that boy hurt his mother.

He Loves Me.

Today i realized something. God is real. He provides for me because He loves me so much.

I've been blind. Blind to how wonderful and caring He is. 

It's like i needed Him to hit me in the head with something huge, and when He did, i could see again.

I was looking through my facebook messages, and my outtatown leader, JMaeck, sent all the girls a message with this verse included. When i first got the message, i completely disregarded the bible verses, because i knew it wouldn't mean anything to me at the moment. i was stressed and not in the mood to look to God. When i opened it again today, i started reading... and i felt like God was just speaking to me through these verses. 

I can't hide from Him, no matter how badly i want to, and how hard i try. He's always there - loving me.

He loves me when i hide from him.

i don't think there's anything to say but that. 

He loves me when i hide from Him.

Psalm 139 The Message

1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. 
I'm an open book to you; 
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. 
You know when I leave and when I get back; 
I'm never out of your sight. 
You know everything I'm going to say 
before I start the first sentence. 
I look behind me and you're there, 
then up ahead and you're there, too— 
your reassuring presence, coming and going. 
This is too much, too wonderful— 
I can't take it all in! 

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? 
to be out of your sight? 
If I climb to the sky, you're there! 
If I go underground, you're there! 
If I flew on morning's wings 
to the far western horizon, 
You'd find me in a minute— 
you're already there waiting! 
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark! 
At night I'm immersed in the light!" 
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; 
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you. 

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; 
you formed me in my mother's womb. 
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! 
Body and soul, I am marvelously made! 
I worship in adoration—what a creation! 
You know me inside and out, 
you know every bone in my body; 
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, 
how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; 
all the stages of my life were spread out before you, 
The days of my life all prepared 
before I'd even lived one day. 

17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful! 
God, I'll never comprehend them! 
I couldn't even begin to count them— 
any more than I could count the sand of the sea. 
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! 
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! 
And you murderers—out of here!— 
all the men and women who belittle you, God, 
infatuated with cheap god-imitations. 
See how I hate those who hate you, God, 
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; 
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. 
Your enemies are my enemies! 

23-24 Investigate my life, O God, 
find out everything about me; 
Cross-examine and test me, 
get a clear picture of what I'm about; 
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— 
then guide me on the road to eternal life.