the hardest part

Sometimes... my life is far too confusing for anyone to figure out, especially me.

Sometimes... i want to forget every thought in my mind, and fill my mind with other useless things.

Sometimes... i get my friends to distract me from things because i don't want to think about them.

but... sometimes i need to deal with these things. 

i need to let Jesus speak into my life. 

i need to turn off every distraction. 

not think. 

not talk. 

just listen.

then maybe my life won't be so confusing after all.

and actually doing this... 

that's the hardest part.

When you find me...

Something you said, it sits in my head 

It's been there too long, it's killing me slow 
It's rolling around, it's pushing me down 
It's keeping the good part of me closed 

My only weakness is knowing your secrets 
I'm holding them close, I'm holding them tight 
I know the way to silently make you 
Smile with my eyes when you're trying to fight 

Can't you see that when I find you, I'll find me 
I need you to know Today, I wait for you always 

It's when I find you that I'll find me.

Dear my problems:

My God is bigger than you!

i hope it doesn't take me a lifetime to actually realize this.

my problems seem to be the epitome of me right now.

i can't see anything else but them.

God... i need to see you. i need to give my problems to you. you are bigger. i believe that.

In The Sun

I pictured you in the sun wondering what went wrong

And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy

And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen

And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you

Always....

May God's love be with you

I know i would apologize if i could see your eyes

'Cause when you showed me myself, you know, i became someone else

But i was caught in between all you wish for and all you need

I pictured you fast asleep

A nightmare comes

You can't keep awake

May God's love be with you

Always...

May God's love be with you

If i find my own way

How much will i find

You...

I'll find you

I don't know anymore

What it's for

I'm not even sure

If there is anyone who is in the sun

Will you help me to understand

'Cause i been caught in between all I wish for and all I need

Maybe you're not even sure what it's for

Any more than me

May God's love be with you

Always...

May God's love be with you

Honestly, i'm not sure what this song means to me.

but i know it means a lot.

these lyrics are something powerful that i can't understand.

to want you...

in the words of Cheap Trick, with an entirely different meaning...

I want to want you...
I need to need you...
I'd love to love you...

but i don't know how.

you saw me crying.
you saw me feeling all alone without a friend, feeling like dying.

be my friend?
help me?
please.

i can't do it on my own.

i want to want you...
so much.

alive

why is it so hard?