Mine

i fell in love with this song today.


You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables
Left a small town and never looked back
I was a flight risk, afraid of fallin'
Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

I say, "Can you believe it?"
As we're lyin' on the couch
The moment, I can see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

But we got bills to pay
We got nothin' figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes

This is what I thought about:

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Oh, oh, oh, oh

And I remember that fight, two-thirty AM
You said everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye, cause that's all I've ever known
Then, you took me by surprise
You said, "I'll never leave you alone."

You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water.
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you believe it?
We're gonna make it now
And I can see it

I can see it now

i think i like it because it describes a relationship that i want to be in one day. not that i'm feeling sorry for myself for not being in a relationship. i actually love it. being single feels really good. but... one day i'll find that guy that will make me feel like that. that makes me excited. :)

dreams.

i was driving home from camping with my family today, with my sister. we hadn't talked in a long time, and it was great to catch up with her. i feel like we can tell each other everything. every hope, and every dream. things that i can't really talk about with many other people.

as we were talking, it made me realize how many dreams i really have. i kept naming them.
one after another.

and as i did this, i realized that not even half of these dreams will come true. i'm never going to have enough money to travel to all the places i want to travel to, or do all the things that i want to do. it's just not possible for all these things to happen.

but kelsey said to me "so make them happen. the ones that mean the most to you, make them happen."

and i think i will.

big sisters are the best.

if love is a place...

if love is a place, i think it would be right here...

i want to be there. right now. and forever.

eat pray love.

i went to see "eat pray love" yesterday, and it really made me think about my own life. 

(if you want to see this movie and don't want to know anything about it... don't read this.)

In this movie, Liz, the main character, leaves her home in new york for a year. She travels around the world to figure out who she really is, and what she really wants in life.

i want to do this.

i always thought that i could never go out and travel by myself, and as i was watching this movie, i was thinking to myself, "i definitely want to do this one day. but not by myself. i could never travel by myself. i'd wait until i'm married, and then travel the world with my husband!"

but i feel like that kind of defeats the point of the whole "find yourself" thing.

so as of right now i don't have an answer for myself. i want to travel and learn how to be a person on my own, without any distractions. but i still don't think i could travel by myself.

at the same time... the chances of this happening, me going and travelling, by myself or with my husband, seem kind of slim.

so those are my thoughts. ha. really random and lame. and with no conclusion. there you go.

let the wrong ones go.

sometimes its incredibly hard to do. but it has to be done. 
one day it will pay off.
hopefully one day soon.
it's hard to wait.

I made pancakes

 for breakfast this morning. and they were delicious.

homesickness.

today has been boring. sitting at home watching tv and movies, trying to forget about the pain, and the fact that i can't eat. but that has nothing to do with what i'm gonna say.


i started watching "garden state". i love everything about this movie. well, almost everything... it's real, and just amazing.


i remembed the first time i watched this movie. i was watching it with my sister, and when this scene came on:




i laughed so hard. my sister had to pause the movie. and then we watched it about 3 more times, and laughed just as hard again. 


i love this movie.


as i was watching it again tonight, there was one part in the movie that kind of hit me. largeman and sam are in the pool, talking about feeling at home at your house. here's how it goes:


Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone. 
Sam: still feel at home in my house. 
Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place. 


this kind of made me think about my own life. when i got back from guatemala, i felt homesick for this place, this place that wasn't my home. i felt homesick for people that i didnt get to see anymore. what i think homesickness is, is feeling withdrawal from something amazing. i guess that doesnt have much to do with that quote, but it just made me think.


the end.

Recent Obsessions

  

Metric. i listen to them ALL the time.

and when i'm not listening to metric... i'm listening to Keane.

Running with my purple gel Asics. i loooove them :)

THIS book...! 

and... the boy who plays robbie in the movie. yum.

this nail polish.

my incredibly comfy purple v-neck from American Apparel.

i think it makes me look fat. but i dont care. its the comfiest shirt i own.

Taziki sauce. i use it on EVERYTHING. it's delicious.

Step Up 1&2. i love dance movies! i want to go see the 3rd one right NOW.

laughing. i absolutely love it.

and... blogging. as you've noticed, if you're reading this, i've been posting like multiple times daily. maybe i should take a break...

...

its 2 a.m. and i am no where close to sleeping.
my mind wont shut off.
i'm concentrating with everything i am to erase you.


i will erase you from my life
if you don't want to be in it, well... you wont be.
you're welcome.