i want more than anything...

2003 
Dear God,
i pray that i will try to listen what you are trying to say to me and that i will be a good person to other people, and love them. amen.


Dear God, 
i thank you that a man from our church went through a good surury, and that he is walking good! and i prey that i will think before i do stupid things, like walk in the middle of the road. and i prey that weeding wont be too bad tomorrow, and that i'll have a good sleep. amen.


Dear God, 
i thank-you so much that i can have such a loving family, that is just always there for me, and that we are all christians. i jsut pray that you will give us a great christmas holiday! i thank you that rachel could have such an impact on everyone reading her book. it has a great impact on me, i just pray that i will keep following you all the time, and that i will remember that earthly possesions are not nearly as big as your love is, and i want to thank you for that! amen.


2004
God, 
i thank you so much for dying on the cross for all of us, you are so amazing! on easter we all got chocolate, but we didnt really deserve it, because we were the ones getting saved, you deserve it all!
your daughter, courtney.


father, 
i want to thank you so much for making me me! you're so amazing! amen.


dear father, i pray you will help me not to be tempted by the devil, and that if i am, i wont do what he wants. and i pray you will be with me that whole time if im temped, so i can think of you. please help me ave a good night sleep. amen.

it seems like it was so easy back then.

back when there was no other option but to believe and have faith in God.

being an adult sucks.

i wish i could pray like i did back in the day.

i wish i could have patience for God.

my prayers these days go a little like this :

God, i'm sorry, but you're a difficult dude to deal with. i want to wait for your perfect timing, but i'm sick of waiting. why do you let me do what i do? i'm sorry, that's not fair. i know that i do things because its exactly what I want in the moment, knowing that it wasnt exactly what you wanted me to do. i completely try to jusitfy those things because of what i really wanted, and i got what i wanted at the time. so i should really be okay with my decision. yeah i'll be okay with it.

its hard though.

really hard.

so God... please help me to regain my childlike faith. that's it. nothing more, nothing less.