homesickness.

today has been boring. sitting at home watching tv and movies, trying to forget about the pain, and the fact that i can't eat. but that has nothing to do with what i'm gonna say.


i started watching "garden state". i love everything about this movie. well, almost everything... it's real, and just amazing.


i remembed the first time i watched this movie. i was watching it with my sister, and when this scene came on:




i laughed so hard. my sister had to pause the movie. and then we watched it about 3 more times, and laughed just as hard again. 


i love this movie.


as i was watching it again tonight, there was one part in the movie that kind of hit me. largeman and sam are in the pool, talking about feeling at home at your house. here's how it goes:


Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone. 
Sam: still feel at home in my house. 
Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place. 


this kind of made me think about my own life. when i got back from guatemala, i felt homesick for this place, this place that wasn't my home. i felt homesick for people that i didnt get to see anymore. what i think homesickness is, is feeling withdrawal from something amazing. i guess that doesnt have much to do with that quote, but it just made me think.


the end.